Creativity · Love List · photography · politics & anti-oppression · Thoughts · writing

Love is…simple childhood pleasures and leaning into fear

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.
-Anais Nin

  • tiny purple & yellow wildflowers in grass that you wouldn’t notice if you weren’t truly looking
  • kicking dandelion stems (a persisting pleasure from childhood, playing the same satisfying role as stepping on crunchy leaves in autumn, and going out of my way to crack the thin layers of ice on top of puddles in winter)
  • hanging out in the park with Lily (her rolling around in the freshly cut grass, me throwing clumps of grass at her – making her roll around even more erratically and comically)
  • tanned shoulders and criss-crossed sandal tan lines on feet
  • bare legs 
  • park benches
  • decluttering and throwing out old paperwork (letting go of some old memories, creating space for new ones)
  • cookie dough ice cream
  • river meditations
  • finally took the leap and signed up for the writing class (excited and nervous)
  • farmer’s market strolls – buying lavender, mint and rosemary plants
  • yoga and stretching my back everyday (feeling my body ease into alignment, noticeable improvements in flexibility, breathing breathing breathing)
  • mega orgasms! coming alive in pleasure!
  • jar full of random buttons 
  • piles and piles of books
  • aromatherapy oil baths to soothe the awful bodily experiences of the flu (4 drops tea tree oil, 3 drops lavender oil, 1 drop lemon oil)
  • hanging out in the lovely knitting shop downstairs with two awesome crafty ladies (talking about badass hot roller derby girls and our love of roti)
  • political documentaries about the terrifying state of our social and cultural climate, but ones that provide hopeful ideas and creative acts of resistance to oppression
  • going to have a couple pieces of writing published in this visually and soulfully beautiful online magazine (yay!)
ASL sign for “I love you”
I’m feeling overwhelmed with fear today. Overwhelmed with possibilities that I’m still not entirely sure how to bring to life. I’ve overloaded my mind to the point where it’s now refusing to rest, refusing to slow down the endless chattering and judging. It’s overriding my heart, making it palpitate rather than flutter. It’s kicking the shit out of me, making me feel small rather than full of substance and purpose. Right now, I am going to give myself permission to do nothing  – to stop planning, to stop striving, to stop thinking, to stop trying to control things. I’m falling back into old habits as I’m (desperately) trying to move forward.
How do you find ways to be gentle and kind to yourself during these moments of self-doubt?
xo.
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8 thoughts on “Love is…simple childhood pleasures and leaning into fear

  1. My favorite is a bubble bath with a glass of vino. If that is not possible then I take a walk or go for a nature break; put my mind nowhere or direct it elsewhere for a while. Hang in there and try to keep moving forward:)

  2. Solutions:
    – reread your post! I did & my mood lifted.
    – patio drinking
    – laugh the most. Laughing is an attention absorbing activity & it is hard to be anxious while you do it.

    1. iris! you are so wise. it’s weird how our feelings and our actions/external experiences can be so disconnected at times. it’s a pretty fantastic list, afterall.

      laughing is probably my most favourite thing ever, I do it every single day I think.

      I’m in search of a new favourite beer drinking patio. Where is yours? Your porch?? ( I dream of having a little porch these days…)

  3. Self doubt is a natural part of life. The way to get through is to remind yourself to simply “believe.” I keep that word all over my house, so I never forget. 🙂

    1. You are so right. I’ve had a pretty long relationship with self-doubt. One thing that really helps is to realize that everyone experiences it, and they still continue to do amazing things, despite it 🙂 I love your idea, it’s so simple and true!

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